We won't sleep together?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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