There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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