Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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