And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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