He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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