My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
