best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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