and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
