I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
