Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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