Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
