I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
