I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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