if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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