We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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