Is it because I queefed?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
