drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
