So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
