Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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