white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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