I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
