Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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