Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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