My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
