I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
