OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
