Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Even my vagina gasped.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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