Im at strip club and am horny
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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