My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
