i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
