How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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