in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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