My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
