i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
