thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
