I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
