you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
