yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
