She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
