I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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