That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
