For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
