In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
