He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
