M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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