Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
