I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
