We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
