Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
