when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
