eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
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