I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
